I've learned and grown and changed. That's life though; we learn and grow and change in different ways and directions based on the choices we make and the lives that we opt to live. We grow where we're planted. I am thriving in my little ecosystem. Being a mom and being a wife are life decisions that I intentionally made and have been knowingly shaped by. I am challenged day in and day out to live selflessly and put others' needs above my own. It's not a unique calling on moms and wives, but it's certainly a practical application of Christian character. I have adopted new priorities. I have gained new friends that understand. I have lost some friends that don't.
Will and I gladly admit to being "boring and old", and we are happier that way. I'd rather spend my days coaxing out gummy smiles and my nights singing silly songs than go through the expected motions of being 21 and young. There's a lot of heartbreak and mistakes that I'd just as soon skip over. All that glitters isn't gold, so to speak. On the contrary, I've never felt so much fulfillment and joy and love as I have watching our little one grow into all that is being 12 weeks old.
It's scary and it's humbling. Someone once told me that becoming a parent is God's way of showing you all of the ugliness inside of yourself that needs to change. It's true. All my impatience and attitude and arrogance is displayed front and center in my state of being overtired, overwhelmed, and ill-equipped. I am reminded of the sides of myself that I don't like and who I do and I don't want to be for my husband and my son. It's scary that what I do has a greater impact than what I say. It's humbling that I have been given such a gift in raising a child, while I am yet young and dumb. Good thing God is gracious, and so is my little family.
There's unmatched pride and joy in watching Nehemiah day by day. We are in constant awe of how quickly he is growing and learning and changing. Everyone tells us not to blink. For the first time, the cliche "they grow so fast" is being realized in my life. It's true. They do. He does. We cheer him on as he lifts his head and kicks and rolls over. We revel in his smiles and can't help but broadcast each of his new tricks to our friends and family.
As my dad's simple but wise words often remind me, "This is the good stuff."