Friday, August 31, 2012

Chilly Feet


I've been told it's normal, every new parent feels it to some degree at one point or another during their pregnancy. Even so, it still feels like somehow I am shaming my maternal duties by admitting that I might have the smallest case of.. GASP, cold feet. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing I would rather be doing at this place in my life than growing my family and laying roots. 
It's like buyers remorse. Well, that sounds bad. You spend hours at your computer lusting after this beautiful pair of boots. (Go with me here.) You work hard and save your pennies until at last, the inconceivable, glorious boots are yours for the taking. You buy them. You collect them from the mailbox all wide-eyed and excited! You put them on. They're awesome. And then you stare in the mirror at your stately new footwear and realize you bank account is empty, you spent loads of extra hours working to save up, and what do you have to show for it? Boots. Are they great boots? Sure. But alas, you're second guessing yourself about what was once CLEARLY the right decision. 
William and I want this child, prayed for this child, and are now being blessed to be having this child in a little over a month. We are so happy and excited! But I can't help but to sometimes think to myself, won't this change everything? What is life going to look like after a baby? Are Will and I going to be the same? Are our friends going to treat us differently? What things are we going to have to say "no" to now, in the name of being responsible parents? I'd be lying if I say it had never crossed my mind, and that I wasn't a little scared.
 It isn't just about how our lives are going to change. It's also, even more-so, the fact that we are forever responsible for a new life. We are solely liable for sustaining it's life, providing it with necessary comforts, and teaching it how to grow to live and thrive in our world. That is big. The mistakes and successes we make will forever shape the baby that will come to be an adult. We are forming it into who it will be. The choices we make now will forever change and shape and dent and impress upon the life that is coming to be. We have 18 years to do the best we can to teach them- and then, that's it. They either are thanking us for what we've done or cursing us for what we haven't. Maybe both. But either way, being a parent is going to be the single most challenging, scary, humbling, teaching, rewarding, exciting, frustrating, life-changing title that I will ever have. I pray that we will be able to raise him or her up in the love and admonition of the Lord. I pray that we will pass our good traits, and try to avoid the ones that aren't. I hope that s/he will be gracious on us when we fail. Which will happen, a lot. I am striving to be really, really awesome parents.
I want to figure that those fears of inadequacy, change, and responsibility will pale in comparison to the rush of pride and excitement and overwhelming love that we feel when we first see our little one. My feet and I are warming up to the idea that everything will change. Nothing will be as it was; I have a hunch it's going to be much, much better.

Hiatus

I apologize for my terribly-too-long hiatus from blogging. Our lives seriously went into over-drive the past few weeks- so much happening! But praise the Lord, we are in our house and are finally settling down. A little. Here' s a brief preview of what the past few weeks have involved:

- moving out of our apartment. Really, this bullet should be like, worthy of 5 bullets. It was quite the ordeal to pack, move, and clean at 8+ months pregnant. Cue husband.

-Finishing the remodeling in our house that we've just moved into. This is also worthy of a significant amount of bullet points. This process included hours upon hours of hard labor by my husband, brother, and cousin, Will cutting off a significant chunk of thumb via table saw, countless trips to Home Depot, haggling with a stingy saleslady over our hardwood, paint, paint and more paint, repaint, sheet-rocking and re-sheet-rocking, fixing our slopey floor, installing doors, knobs, tiling, carpet, light fixtures, and so on and so on. I can't take any credit for this bullet- however, I can claim at least 1/2 of the anxiety that came from it's ever wavering finish date. 

-Baby shower #3. This was the "big one", you could say. It was the shower that had been set in motion months and months ago, and the one that had been anticipated for a while. Even though I knew it was coming up, it still managed to seem to sneak up so fast. Who knew baby showers could be so exhausting? It was so beautiful and so much fun. More on that later. Pictures to come.

-Being pregnant. Doesn't this deserve a bullet all it's own? Yes. It does. 

___

I am happy to finally have settled just enough to take some time to breathe and write, two things that are both necessary for, well, living, and my sanity. I'm planning on taking this next month with a large amount of resting, ice-cream eating, decorating, organizing, napping, and thinking. All which seem to be conducive to keeping up on my blogging. But if I don't, I am going to thoroughly milk the excuse, "I'm pregnant, I do what I want" :) Hey, I only have 4 more weeks to play that card. I'm going to use it all I can. 

Monday, August 13, 2012

Artsy Fartsy


So, this thing called nesting: let me tell you- it's real. It is this weird, uncontrollable, incessant need to clean and organize and decorate. For most, this is great! Finally, a desire to put down the Oreos, turn off A Baby Story and get something done. For me, it's torture. Why? Well, because we are in the middle of moving into our somewhat-finished home. By somewhat finished, I mean most of our rooms have four walls, paint, and flooring. Not all. More on that later.

To curb this innate cleaning/organizing/decorating obsession until a more appropriate time, I decided to channel it into some artsy-fartsy crafting for the nursery. I found a set of wall hangings that I love on the internet, but they naturally were upwards of $15 each (not counting shipping!). So I decided to try my hand at making them myself. I hope that's not illegal.

I started with some scrapbook paper, a glass of sparkling cider, and an episode of Bones.




My finished product! I kind of love them. 

I apologize for the poor iPhone-quality pictures. Oh well. I planned on putting bible verses on them, but turned out to not have room. I think I'll make a fourth piece that has only words on it. We'll see.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Dear Baby

Hi there, little one.
I often wonder how you're doing in there. What do you think about? What do you dream about? Do certain things make you happy, and some things make you upset? I wonder if you cry or laugh or practice your baby talk. I know you got the hiccups day before yesterday, and MeeMaw got to feel it! You made us both laugh watching (and feeling) my belly move to the rhythm of your hiccups.

We're 31 weeks and six days along now. Can you believe it? In just two short months, you'll be here with us. Only eight weeks and one day until your due date. Where did the time go? It seems like it wasn't so long ago I was sitting on our couch holding the test that told us you were in there, smiling ear to ear. Now I sit on the couch and hold my belly and feel you move, smiling ear to ear. Funny how much has changed.

We had a doctor appointment this morning. You heart was going 140 beats per minute! The doctor said that you're head is down, getting ready. While you're getting ready in there for your big day, we're doing what we can out here to get things in order, too. Daddy and I (almost) have your name picked out. Well, if you're a girl, you don't have a middle name yet. But you will. We sat on the computer last night and picked out things for your nursery. You're going to love it! We love it already. We spent most of the day yesterday at our new home painting and cleaning and preparing for us to move in. We can't wait.

I read that you're 17-19 inches long and around four pounds. It's not hard for me to believe; your limbs often find themselves wedged in my ribcage or under my sternum. Your favorite way to sit is with your little baby bum shoved into the right side of my ribs, and your feet find their way anywhere from my belly button to what feels like my throat. It must be getting pretty crammed in there. My uterus is already practicing how to get you to come out  when the time is right. I don't like that part very much! Between your kicks, my working uterus, and my growing size, sleep is hard to come by these days. It makes me even more anxious for you to get here. (Which probably won't help the sleep, but at least we'll be sleepless together!)

As you're sitting or thinking or playing or swimming in there, I hope you feel how much you are loved already. You are our favorite conversation topic. We pray for you constantly and are counting down the days until we get to see you. We're almost there! You bless us more than you can ever imagine, and you aren't even born yet.

Love, M